Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
