at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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