When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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