Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
