Do you still have your period?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
