Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
