I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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