So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
