"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
