someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
