I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
