Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And my parents said I crawled through the house
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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