you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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