I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
