I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
