I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
