k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We're too hungover to prance.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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