yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
