youre lurking in front of me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Even my vagina gasped.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
