i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
