i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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