Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
