there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
