i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
