hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
