She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
