I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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