She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
