And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
