remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
