My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
