It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
