We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
