We won't sleep together?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
