We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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