Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
