I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
