I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
