My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need moral support for this bender
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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