well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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