I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
