I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
