I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
