Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
