I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
