I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
