the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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