I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
