last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
