My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
