I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
